Monday, February 22, 2016

My whole life is a dark room

While putting this moodboard together I listened to Hari Nef in conversation with Jay Buim for the Man Repeller podcast which was mentally draining- not because the topics themselves were difficult (although they are outside my personal experiences) but imbued in emotion. And those emotions were largely feelings of longing and exhaustion. Both interviewer and interviewee admitted they were happiest when they were starting on a project, and as a consequence of finishing a project, something akin to postpartum depression. Which is where I am right now. I was so happy and in my element studying that for that to be taken away from me is earth-shattering but I have also had to become numb in order to survive. A job seeker's website doled out the advice: "try not to care as much!~ it's not that important! :)" which made me feel worse than I have in the last four years. Caring about what I do and why I do it is a strength that I should not let some anonymous grey voice attempt to take away from me. But yeah, the podcast cemented the idea that although someone may have a really cool title on their CV like actor, or film maker, the work does stop. And it does suck. But that's the reality. The podcasts ends with Hari saying she's learning to enjoy the quiet moments as much as the busy ones which is the lesson I must learn in order to preserve my sanity for the next decade. 

1 & 4- Michael Ochs archives, 1974. 2, 15, 17 & 22- beauty spread “GLITTER GOTH” of @nylonmag in the February issue. 3- december 2015, Karolina Koryl. 5- Elsa Sylvan for Lanvin, Pre-Fall 2009. 6- Erdem spring 2016. 7- classical idk idc, September 2015, Karolina Koryl. 8- Freja Beha Erichsen by Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel FW 2011. 9- Grimes for Les Inrocks photo by Benni Valsson. 10- Grimes. 11- art by Grimes. 12- Guinevere Van Seenus Dazed & Confused (October 2009) photo Daniel Jackson. 13- Harpers Bazaar Espana Oct 2011 - Aymeline Valade in Gucci by Txema Yeste. 14- Joan Jett at SIR Studios in Hollywood, 1977. 16- Karolina Koryl. 17- Magali N'Daye by Thomas von Aagh for Schön! Magazine. 18- Magali N'Daye by Thomas von Aagh for Schön! Magazine. 19- Photo by Nan Goldin. 20- sarah abney pat mcgrath guido olivier rizzo steven meisel vogue Italia January 2016. 21- unknown. 23 & 24- Internet K-hole.  


  1. I hope you're feeling better soon Adele and I agree, when people say to stop caring so much in situations of that nature, I tend only to feel worse not more carefree. x