Thursday, December 13, 2012

99 Problems

But the Apocalypse ain't one. I've decided to list reasons why we are all going to survive the end of the Mayan calender through the power of positive thinking and love life. Even if we love the bits about hating other aspects (you'll all understand in due time). If we survive into 2013 we have many opportunities to become better versions of the people we are today like totally asking permission the next time we spray paint something which is totally different from vandalism. I condone the decoration of your newest free flowing sewer thing in your local park as long as there are red hearts involved and 'the tunnel of love'- maybe a little skateboarding as well just to fit into the scene of people. Or because skateboarding is a whole heap better than walking and invariably at one point in a young girls life she wishes she could date a cool guy who skates so that they can teach her the ways of a master knee-grazer. I myself liked a 'longboarder' for the longest imaginable time in high school and he disappeared without a trace after dropping out *sigh*. 


I usually make the same little oath/ white lie to myself that this will be the Summer that I change into a social butterfly and actually go out and see people but it never happens. Listening to 'It's my Life' by No Doubt does have me pining for the company of strong women though and I'm pretty excited because my friends are planning a trip inter-state with planes involved. There won't be quite as many of us as this photograph and we all don't have long, ribbony hair that shimmers under a camera flash but I'll take it. There will be suitcase packing then with all my best clothes so I have to dress in an interesting and extravagant manner but a little room to buy extra stuff in case we go to the markets or second hand shopping... my mouth is salivating over all the activities I'll be doing with my old girl gang from high school and hotel shenanigans to come.


With the preservation of all processed food stuffs into the new year I can probably pull off this as a romantic gesture. I'm sure the mustard, ketchup and frozen weenies would survive but we all know bread can only last so long without turning blue and nasty. Some people enjoy being wined and dine, moonlight cinema outdoors or a stroll on the beach- but we're simple folk with simple tastes. If you think I'm bluffing then you're sadly mistaken because hot dogs is one of my boyfriend's favourite foods although whether he digs mustard or not is a grey area at the moment. The positives to dating the same guy for two years is that you know exactly what he had for lunch during high school- even if that meant buying two hot dogs for themselves. I'm still pretty stunned that his metabolism acts so fast and he still looks like skin and bone stretched over a skeleton.



A lot of the time I just learn popular culture references second hand through things like GIFS on Tumblr, but maybe I'll finally get the gumption to download ancient comedies and find a goldmine of unique catch phrases. When I find something I really like, it does become an intricate part of my life eventually and worms its way into my language subconsciously. It makes finding someone who understands me even more exciting when I am talking in a hidden code; but the ultimate mind-blowing experience will be when I find someone who discusses Tavi like I do in real life. Until then I'll rediscover all her old and super-cute interviews while listening to music on a whim drinking tea. Now that's what I call a good use of holiday time without online quizzes or a chapter of Biology to read in sight.


One of my favourite things about Etsy at the moment are self-deppreciative patches for jacket customisation such as 'Slut' and 'Feminist Killjoy' but why not have something sugary and sweet to mark the year? The above denim patch would be even better if that was your graduate year just because varsity jackets and messages like these don't tend to mix; hence the delicious irony. If you're an outsider like me or just didn't have the chance to grow up with any gorgeous sportswear for spirit week, I recommend checking out dead stock items on the Internet, and on occasion American Apparel will have something good saved up as well. If you're particularly crafty and your hands don't melt off because of the end of the world you can make your own with personalised messages and your own handiwork for everyone to see.



I can also look forward to the joys of graduating and putting university behind me to join the rat race and earn the rite of passage to complain about mortgage repayments, landlords, rising petrol prices... Hooray! I'm sure it will all be a novel experience until about the second week when I can't download a thing on a really slow Internet connection and I'm sobbing that mom and dad can't help me out but until then I'll be sitting pretty. Knowing me, I'll probably compromise food and heating in order to have a reasonable Internet cap each month, but isn't that part of the joys of being a young adult and not have your priorities sorted yet? Plus I can watch Harry Potter and read more books as filler time in between to further improve my writing skills and build upon more feelings for touchy feely songs.



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