Being self-destructive again, as is my want, the allure of dirty habits is once again sucking me in; but for only the most superficial of reasons and in a vain, final attempt to cry out for attention. No- I'm not one of those girls who makes a great fanfare about every tiny problem in my life and my own sulking is infuriating even me. Either way, I won't be getting anywhere close to experiencing the slow crawl and clinging touch of tobacco smoke unless I can help it. Perhaps it's just the subtle grasp of my pen or the influence of a private school kid rogue at my daily bus stop that's managed to seed my mind with decaying thoughts and driving me to (for my tame psyche) near insanity. I think I'm having a teenage mid-life crisis or something in which I feel the great urge to experience as many dangerous activities as possible to feel fulfilled.
I'm crazily super-competitive about everything I do and always strive to do my best; that's not a bad thing necessarily but I wish I was just pensive and responded to every one's attempt to take to me with cold indifference as well as a cigarette drooping from the corners of my mouth. I'm on the war-path today, and I hope this putrid and Daria inspired behaviour really does become an integrated part of my life.I don't see why I should be nice to people when they're a continuous thorn in my side and are thankless for what little good I do try to do.
I've probably been reading too far into interviews without getting a proper context and understanding about them, but the buffalo photo shopped into this frame rather neatly is known to charge through a storm in an attempt to brave the worst of it and push through obstacles. I could use a bit of buffalo spirit right now since I'm waiting for my Chemistry laboratory cherry to be popped for second semester and to get on with the challenges to today. The sooner everything gets done, the sooner I can return to my bed and rest or in the case of this humble bison, I can graze to greener pastures and gore stuff with my cute little pointy horns (I don't even know...).
There's nothing more satisfying the openly complaining about one's problems and then declaring that no one else can possibly understand your anguish and knock back any attempt on their behalf to console and comfort you. As much as I should be concerned that this mere child has confrontational problems, I kind of dig the way that children act more mature than their age and come to welcome adolescent ideals. That does not however mean I like seeing ten year olds wearing black leggings as pants while wearing thickly applied make up and side ponytails and sport socks. Nothing disgusts me more than the above and the lack of proper etiquette and grace amongst today's female youths in my local area.
I don't really have the swish vintage attitude of Lana Del Rey, but those mean pointed fake nails with glossy red tips could really brighten up my day; or at least make me feel as fierce as a tigress with matching claws. There's nothing more satisfying than passively and aggressively scratching some one's hand by mistake or even dragging your nails onto something just for a bit of energy release. Be glad that I'm not a teacher from the 1960s right now and I don't have a multitude of chalkboards at my disposal to disembowel. I don't have occasions to wear long dashing eyeliner as well as false lashes and taking care with my hair often takes too long... seems I'll be making DIY cardboard bling rings on the weekend if I ever dare to take my regular shift off and dedicate myself to a life of sloth, boredom and limited stimulation from the Internet.
At the moment I've been forgetting to wear my numerous rings when setting foot for university for most of last week and my fingers always feel vulnerable without their usual gold and silver armour bands to protect them, but for an even bigger statement and bold resemblance some gold chains in chunky shapes as well as choker style necklaces might be the perfect addition to an otherwise, boring and blase outfit. I won't be streaking my eyebrows anytime soon to impress upon others their shape and voluptuous tones but yeah I dig this photograph and the effort one can make into their appearance. I've been a mega-slob about what I look like lately in terms of hair and makeup and my outfits have been reasonably alright thus far, but sooner or later I'll hit a wall and creative stupor once again.
These golden chained gauntlets are exactly the thing that I dream of at night; or hope to. Instead I have estranged dreams of basketball tournaments, dog flea baths as well as lying in wait to prey upon some hapless young man... Yeah it seems I'll rely on Etsy to search for jewellery that is more suited for an exotic Indian wedding rather than casual day wear and black nail polish.
It's probably a creepy and shifty character such as the blackened silhouette shown above that stole my favourite coat from me while I was at work last night- sorry about the upcoming rant. I'm so sick of people taking advantage of my better nature; I've been doing people favours at work for the last eight weeks and last night a coat that nearly cost a hundred dollars was taken from the rest of my belongings, probably by someone I know quite well really and who I thought was my friend. If my angsty mood keeps up and continues to fester I'll probably cut my hair super short and pierce my septum in a bullring like style. I just don't care anymore, the politics as well as attitudes of everyone else at work have been driving me nuts lately and I just want out.