Saturday, January 21, 2012

Differences Between Me and Cool Kids

Since I'm pottering about the house and being anti-social, I'd like to put together some facts about myself and the distinguishing features of cool kids that will lead you, dear reader to come to the conclusion that this is the blog of the lamest person on Earth. For one thing, cool people either host or get invited to costume parties where there are drunken hook-ups and people acting without inhibition and I have never been invited to a costume party (or crashed one) and have never been drunk. I've barely been tipsy when I drink alcohol but that's because I don't really have the intention of making a fool of myself.

Cool people are often skinny and attractive, wear layers of make up to school and not a lot of clothing when they go outside. At the age of about fourteen and fifteen they wore leggings as pants with white socks they wear to school with cheap canvas shoes and mid drift shirts because they have a flat stomach and at the age of about sixteen or even younger they may engage in the activity known as belly button piercing. At the age of eight when I got my ears pierced my mother made me promise never to get any other piercings aside from my ears and since she's the kind of person to hold a grudge for years I am bound to keep my word.

Cool people often can perform amazing feats and tricks when using their mouths and tongues such as tying up long strings of lolly such as snakes into knows, blowing bubbles using bubble gum or chewing gum and are fantastic kissers due to their promiscuity and rebellion against a traditional romantic relationship. I had my first kiss at age sixteen, have only ever had one boyfriend (although to me he is pretty cool, the bees knees as it were) and cannot perform any cool tricks involving my mouth and food. There is the disappearing act in which I swallow, digest and process food but that's nothing too special really.

Through years of breeding with other cool people, a race of super cool people has been perfected in which they are immune to the painful blistering at the back of the heel caused by popular culture combat boots by Dr Martens. The last recorded appearance of my combat boots on my feet was the day was followed by an incredibly painful blister and a few days of limping hap-hazardly around the house.

Many cool people pursue university/ college education in which they will spend three years or so earning a white elephant degree such as an Arts degree or possibly going to art school and living vicariously through selling bad drawings and paintings.While some are educated in practical trades and more complex subjects, some remain to practice the photographic arts and have mastered the use of multiple exposure shoots as well as using fisheye distortion lenses.

Lots of cool people have dogs and or cats that they don't bother to discuss in everyday conversation and they also contribute very little to the quality of life of his/ her pet. There are people like me who have one or even both parents opposed to the possession of an animal fearing they are dirty and flea-ridden or who have had a multitude of rabbits or other small pets in their lifetime. People like me spend their time talking about what their pet rabbit chose to eat on that particular morning as well as ignoring all human life when meeting a four-legged friend at someone else's house.

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